I was listening to 5 Seconds of Summer and I suddenly felt like writing something. So here is my random thoughts at this time of the night.

It wasn’t my plan at all. It was never my intention to fall in love with him. Well of course, that’s just how it works. You fall in love with an unexpected person. Is it really love? Or just another infatuation due to my teenage hormones? I’m just glad that he was the one who ease my pain.

 “Iniwan niya ako. Alam mo ba yun? Gusto mong malaman yung dahilan? AKO DIN E. Gusto kong malaman yung dahilan. T*ng ina, iniwan niya ako ng ganun-ganon na lang. Ng walang pasabi o ano. Isang araw, bigla na lang niya akong iniwasan. Di siya sumasagot sa mga text at tawag ko. P*ta, kung kelan mahal na mahal ko na siya tsaka niya ako gagantuhin? P*tang ina talaga”

I was talking to my friend. He and my ex are friends. We have the same circle of friends. I know what I said was very dramatic. But it’s all true.

It was our 2^nd monthsary when he started to ignore me. I’ve been inlove with him since I was 12 years old which was 4 years ago. I’ve been secretly loving him since then. Longing for his hugs, kisses and love. He began noticing me last year. We were friends at the beginning (another one of those cliché stories). I told you that we’re already at the same circle of friends. He began doing special things for me such as carrying my books and fetching me from home. Those special gestures alarmed my system. I eventually forgot my feelings for him but when he started doing that, it came back. The love that was never lost. We started dating last September. He courted me (a Filipino tradition) for 5 months and I felt the moment. I said yes and we started kissing under the sunset. It was a wonderful moment.  We were one of those popular couples at school. A trending topic.

But it lasted only one and a half month…

“Naiintindihan kita pero…”

“WHAT?! TELL ME!”

I am hysterical. I keep on shouting at him and crying at the same time. I haven’t eaten any meals for this day and I can’t sleep at night. I don’t know how I manage to do these things to him.

“Ayokong nakakakita ng babaeng umiiyak. Please stop…”

He’s asking me to stop. I just can’t hold this pain anymore.

“DI MO AKO NAIINTINDIHAN E. TAPOS PINAPATIGIL MO AKONG UMIYAK? Anong gusto mo? KILL MYSELF BECAUSE OF THE PAIN I’M BEARING RIGHT NOW? BULLSHIT!”

I can’t stop…

“*sigh* Then stop shouting at me. I’m not him”

I know. I can’t stop shouting. I’m having a breakdown but when I stop shouting, I won’t stop crying.

“YOU DON’T GET IT DO YOU?”

“Punch me…”

What?

“WTF?! ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?!”

I am now shouting but my thoughts are so calm. Cool.

“I don’t like people shouting at me. I know that what you’re going through is something that I won’t understand but I think punching me will lessen your pain and anger. Especially the shouting.”

I can’t believe that he’s willing to offer his face for me.

“Sh*t…”

I heard him whisper. There’s blood coming out from his lower lip. Am I that strong? He fell on the ground at the moment my force landed upon his face.

“Now what? This is bullshit. You’re right about the shouting thing but the pain…”

I turned my back and heard him stood up. I was about to walk away when…

“Sorry but I ran out of ideas on how to lessen your pain. This is my last hope.”

He hugged me from behind. He whispered to my ears those sweet words. My brain stopped functioning. I just couldn’t digest everything. We stayed in that position for a minute and…

I started crying again…

***

What happened? He told me that he really love her. What’s up with him? And this girl…

I met her 4 years ago when she transferred at our school. She was so lost the first day I saw her. I approached her and started talking about directions. She thanked me afterwards with a sweet smile and she went away. At that very moment, I know that there is something with that girl.

The strong girl that everybody knew cried in front of me. She cried all her pain. I can feel that. She hugged me and she cried for 10 minutes. She bottled up her feelings. She fell asleep at my chest. My shirt at the chest part is soaking wet but I don’t mind. I carried her towards the sofa so that she can be comfortable. We’re here at her living room.

I went to the stock room to get some pillows and blanket for her. While placing the pillows and blanket I got the chance to look at her face closely. That angelic face of hers. Her “sleeping look” is very peaceful. It looks like she’s in a happy place. How can this beautiful face be destroyed by that jerk?

“I never knew that you know how to cry. It hurts seeing you cry. Don’t worry; I’ll do my best to protect you from him.”

I stare at her face for the last time tonight. I’ll be leaving. I hope she will be better by tomorrow.

“Thank you…”

She whispered. Sh*t, was she awake the whole time? I turned around and saw her eyes shut. No, she’s asleep.